FELLATIO PERFORMER

Happy Valentines Day

2006-02-14T18:37:00.000Z

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. If you smile today people will smile back at you. It's infectious and far nicer than the mumps!!

2006-01-26T18:38:00.000Z

Some Benefits!

2006-01-23T18:39:00.000Z

Where is it?????

2006-01-22T19:44:00.000Z

Why???????

2006-01-20T20:04:00.000Z

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are 4 billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when someone throws a gun at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put a "s" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
If you send someone Styrofoam, how do you pack it?
If the temperature is zero outside today & its going to be twice as cold tomorrow,, how cold will it be?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
If its true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just seem longer?
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
Can you cry underwater?
What level of importance must someone have before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why is it that people say they slept like a baby when babies wake up every 2 hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court is it still called a hearing?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings & then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or cubicle when you change? .... They're still going to see you naked anyway!!
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?

All answers gratefully received on a postcard ;-)

'Happy New Year!'

2006-01-01T00:01:00.000Z

Happy Christmas!

2005-12-24T17:03:00.000Z

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-24T16:04:00.000Z

Every year before Christmas we have a visit to London, it was quite nice weather but a little on the chilly side. Apparently we are due snow over the next few days, I can't wait.

This is my youngest, Sophie. After watching The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe she is now completely bonkers about lions.

These are my daughters near the fountains in Trafalgar Square.

The funniest pic of the day.

This is a pic of part of the lights at Regent Street, not very good quality as I took it with my phone.

Advent Calendar

2005-12-03T15:50:00.000Z

I looked on the back of my advent calendar today & saw this, Is this why 'Cadbury's' chocolate tastes so creamy?

Happy Birthday to me

2005-11-30T07:02:00.000Z

Happy Birthday to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-11-12T22:21:00.000Z

I guess the ice cleaning guys got a bit bored with the same old pattern!!!!

Guy Fawkes Night (part 3)

2005-11-05T21:51:00.000Z

Guy Fawkes Night (part 2)

2005-11-05T21:49:00.000Z

Guy Fawkes Night (part 1)

2005-11-05T21:47:00.000Z

10 Hallowe'en Facts!

2005-10-31T18:24:00.000Z

Phasmophobia is the fear of ghosts.
Samhainophobia is the morbid fear of Halloween.
Wiccaphobia is the fear of witches and witchcraft
82% of children take part in Halloween festivities, as do 67% of adults.
In Romanian, Dracula means "Son of the Devil."
Trick-or-treating is an Irish tradition, based on a custom where wealthy landowners would give food to the poor on Halloween night, believing ghosts would look favourably on them for doing so and spare them from mischief.
There is a poisonous mushroom called a jack-o'-lantern. These mushrooms are a bright orange-yellow in colour and on rainy nights they appears to glow in the dark.
A popular Halloween drink in 18th century Ireland was "lambs-wool," which consisted of roasted, crushed apples mixed into milk.
The Scots believed in "Samhanach," a goblin who came out only on Halloween and stole children.
It's illegal to sell a haunted house in New York without informing the buyer.

We've Found The Perfect Halloween Masks!

2005-10-29T18:32:00.000+01:00

Amy has found her perfect mask today, the mask is twice as big as her head, plenty of scaring for her!

Sophie found this one, quite tame as she was pretty scared herself.

I'm In Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-25T20:25:00.000+01:00

He's just so gorgeous, Mr Robbie Williams.

Shopping for Halloween masks!

2005-10-15T15:32:00.000+01:00

My eldest, Amy took looking for scary masks seriously. I think this was the best of the lot, even I was scared!!! Of course she took great pleasure in scaring the little kiddies in the shop too.

My youngest, Sophie thought she would give it a try, she just couldn't stop laughing.

I Love These Billboards

2005-10-10T18:33:00.000+01:00

Sorry!

2005-10-09T16:13:00.000+01:00

Well I seem to have neglected my poor blog lately, not entirely my fault & not by choice. I've just been horrendously busy at work & haven't really had the time for blogging. Hopefully everything should be back to normal soon.

2005-09-25T15:18:00.000+01:00

I see this garage owner speaks his mind during the recent fuel shortage! This is probably one of the many reasons i'm glad I don't drive.

Would You?

2005-09-16T20:42:00.000+01:00

2005-09-15T20:58:00.000+01:00

Strange But True

2005-09-13T18:47:00.000+01:00

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it?"

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men........The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

A Blonde Joke

2005-09-10T17:31:00.000+01:00

Tony, a handsome guy, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Tony and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Tony says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Tony placed £20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her £20 to Tony, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Tony replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Tony took the money......

First Day Of School

2005-09-05T17:58:00.000+01:00

Today was my youngest daughter's (Sophie) first day at Primary school (7-11). She was upset over the weekend due to being scared but today after her first full day she can't wait to go back tomorrow. She has my old teacher & another of my old teachers is now the headmaster, apparently me going back makes them feel so old!

My New Bath Toy

2005-09-01T18:34:00.000+01:00

Like Anyone's Gonna Pay Attention

2005-08-25T19:45:00.000+01:00

It's A Bit Obvious, Don't You Think?

2005-08-24T20:13:00.000+01:00

Maude & Mable

2005-08-23T17:45:00.000+01:00

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home having a drink & a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette & continues smoking.
Maude: " What in the hell is that?"
Mable: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."
Maude: "Where did you get it?"
Mable: "You can get them at any drug store."
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel." The pharmacist fainted

It's Only A Flippin' Bear!!!!

2005-08-22T17:21:00.000+01:00

This Really Fucks With Your Eyes

2005-08-21T19:22:00.000+01:00

2005-08-20T17:43:00.000+01:00

Now This Is A Toilet!

2005-08-18T19:16:00.000+01:00

Poor Humpty!

2005-08-15T18:43:00.000+01:00

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the King's horses & all the King's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

Why did they let the horses go first?
Maybe they should just glue him together & stick him to the wall!

Sometimes I Wish I was A Man

2005-08-10T18:41:00.000+01:00

Why ARE Men Happier?

1. Your last name stays put.
2. The garage is all yours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4.Chocolate is just another snack.
5. You can be President.
6. You can never be pregnant.
7. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
8. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
9. Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
10. The world is your urinal.
11. You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too gross.
12. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
13. Same work, more pay.
14. Wrinkles add character.
15. Wedding dress £3000. Tux rental-£80.
16. People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
17. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
18. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
19. One mood all the time.
20. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
21. You know stuff about tanks.
22. A 5 day holiday requires only one suitcase .
23. You can open all of your own jars.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
26. Your underwear is £5.00 for a three-pack.
27. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
28. You almost never have strap problems in public.
29. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
30. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
31. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.
32. You only have to shave your face and neck.
33. You can play with toys all your life.
34. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
35. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
36. You can wear shorts no matter what how your legs look.
37. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
38. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
39You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Another Male Brain

2005-08-08T20:49:00.000+01:00

Anyone Fancy .......................

2005-08-07T07:46:00.000+01:00

More Ebay Items

2005-08-01T19:47:00.000+01:00

Emergency Home Decoration Kit
The perfect item for all men who have a partner at home always reminding them that this room or the other needs decorating and that it's time they got around to doing something about it, especially when it always seems to happen just as you're becoming absorbed in your favourite TV documentary, or when you're planning to get down to some really serious reading and study of those essential sports pages.
Watch her reaction as you produce my 'Home Decoration Anti-nagging Kit' which contains cuttings of 3 or 4 different patterns of wallpaper and a selection of paint shade colour charts, and tell her that you've been spending some time working out what could be the best scheme for whatever room is under discussion. The Kit also comes in a clear bag that can be left in any strategic position around the house ready to be easily found or spotted to provoke a discussion that will enable you to puff up proudly and state, with authority, that you're on the case and ready to move. Proven in practice and guaranteed to get you off the hook - a real winner!

Pebble Pal
Lonely? Fed up with people not listening to you or interrupting you when you talk? - With your own Pebble Pal, you'll have the perfect friend when you need one - always in agreement with you, always ready to listen and always prepared to share your problems in total confidence with the absolute guarantee that your most secret thoughts and opinions will never be disclosed to anyone. Pebble Pal is happy to go with you anywhere - on walks, on days out, on holiday or can even be left behind without any fear of argument. Every Pebble Pal comes with a set of instructions to help you ensure that they settle in quickly, and your first task will be to name your new friend - how about Rocky or Cliff for example - and remember, Pebble Pal needs no feeding or drinking, just a friendly hello and a chat now again - with Pebble Pal, you won't go stony broke!

Insomniacs Inflatable Sheep
Lonely at night? can't sleep? worried about something or need to relax? Well, no worries! - with this item, Peggy the inflatable sheep is on hand to help you get through the night and stimulate the start of that badly needed sleep pattern. With a random selection of numbers and mathematical symbols on her side, Peggy is the literal 'counting sheep' and you can calculate away to your hearts content as you slowly begin to relax, gradually falling asleep in the time honoured and traditional way.

My Ebay Products

2005-07-31T20:09:00.000+01:00

After scouring Ebay for just about anything & everything for my family, I actually wondered what lengths people would go to just to actually outbid someone. I've seen some things on there that I've thrown in my rubbish bin & also heard about the guy who was selling 'siamese twin jelly babies,' & someone who takes your dolls on holiday & send you back the photos, WTF!!!!! So, my plan is to see if I can sell the following items on Ebay. I shall think of some more over the next few days, anyone else have any ideas?

Limited Edition Beermat
A limited edition used beermat, individually signed by the drinker and with a ring stain guaranteed to have been created in use by one of a selection of unusual and rare beers or lagers, and the perfect prize or gift for any 'real ale' or 'original lager' aficionado (aka beer anorak).
Each used beermat comes with a certificate of authenticity that you can frame and proudly show off to your friends at any 'pissed at home' evening - be the envy of other 'pure beer anoraks' as they wonder how you managed to get so close to that impossible to find brand!

Lost Golf Ball
If you are, or if you know, a golfer, you'll know that balls are often lost and never to be found - well relax, because I've found it - or one very much like it, and you've won it back!
I've scoured golf courses around the country in search of lost golf balls and have a selection of these available. Each one carries the marks, indents or stains to show that it has genuinely been used in play or practice and is available in a selection of types from Dunlops to Slazenger with even the odd Titleist thrown in as well.

Anti Remote Control Device
Do you have a remote control 'control freak' at home?
Are you fed up with your partner switching channels just as you are getting into that favourite soap or movie? Well, now you can relax, safe in the knowledge that your couch buddy is literally powerless because, that's right, you've swapped the existing batteries for these totally dead and lifeless ones. Simply set up the desired viewing channel, swap the batteries and settle down to uninterrupted viewing knowing that once settled, your partner would rather give up trying to get the remote to work than move off the couch to switch the channel manually - the perfect idea for that evening in or that rainy Sunday afternoon movie.

Safety Pen
Fed up with that ink stained shirt or jacket pocket? No problem! - This pen has no ink left or the ink has dried out so you will never have to worry about expensive sartorial mishaps or face impossible cleaning tasks again. Great for scratch cards, for use as a computer screen pointer with no fear of ink marks, dislodging belly-button fluff, extracting tea bags from cups or mugs, removing small stones from trainer soles and more.

Charlie & The Chocolate Factory

2005-07-31T09:07:00.000+01:00

Acclaimed director Tim Burton brings his vividly imaginative style to the beloved Roald Dahl classic Charlie and the Chocolate Factory & he does it with pure brilliance.
Me & my daughters went to watch 'Charlie & The Chocolate Factory' yesterday in Leicester Square, London after a hard day's slog around the shops. All I can say is that is was better than I expected, in fact, bloody brilliant.

I See They Publish 'Playboy' For The Blind

2005-07-26T18:27:00.000+01:00

The Official Penis Bookmark

2005-07-25T18:51:00.000+01:00

I Wish I Could Play A Musical Instrument

2005-07-23T20:32:00.000+01:00

I wish I could play the saxophone. I always wanted one when I was younger after listening to the sax solo on the Boy Meets Girl track, 'Waiting For A Star To Fall.'

I wish I could be an all-rounder like Chris Martin. Well I'm now a converted Coldplay fan, never liked their stuff before & associated it with suicides & slitting your wrists.

mmmm, Robbie Williams, well you can't say anything bad about the cheeky northerner, he certainly know's how to work the crowd.

I wish I could play the drums like Dave Grohl. Oh & not forgetting he's so cute & pretty good on the guitar too!

I wish I could play the electric guitar like Slash. I love the video for 'November Rain' when he's outside the church giving it some on that guitar looking so in control with that fag hanging out of his mouth, how the hell he manages not to burn his hair is a mystery to me.

This Is What It's Like At Work!

2005-07-21T19:45:00.000+01:00

Let's say that the boss guy is me & the scrotum behind the desk is the stupid idiot that works in the factory. He's a lazy bastard & I hate him. My brother-in-law stood on the carpet trying to reach a water pipe in the toilet & heard a smash, he thought it was a light bulb but to his surprise he found a bong, so that's why the bastard spends so much time in there! It's not like he's going to say, "Who's broken my bong?" because he'll be kicked out before he knows it. Trouble is he can get away with murder as his brother is my sister's business partner.

I Really Hate Work Today

2005-07-20T18:37:00.000+01:00

I was so close to doing this at work today. I'm really beginning to think I should kill the arsehole I work with!!!!!!!

And as for this one, I'm going to stick it on the door of my office. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind people who smoke but not chain smoking extra strength ones near me.

Well I Wouldn't Say No!

2005-07-19T18:36:00.000+01:00

I'm gonna get me a bra like this!

2005-07-18T19:04:00.000+01:00

So Cute!

2005-07-15T19:26:00.000+01:00

So no kitten for the moment so I thought I'd share this picture with you, I'm sure ours will be just as cute.

I Never Thought I'd See The Day

2005-07-13T19:02:00.000+01:00

Sorry!

2005-07-12T18:27:00.000+01:00

Firstly let me apologise for my lack of blogging activities over the past few days. I certainly had a weekend to remember.
My sister needed someone to house-sit, the lure of a well stocked shed of drink, new barbecue & not forgetting the spa/jacuzzi in the garden was simply too hard to resist.
So my two daughters spent the weekend at their grandparents as I hurridly called various members of my old football team for a weekend of catching up on all the gossip.
All I can say is that I had the best weekend ever drinking pimms, vodka, beer & various spirits & surprisingly I didn't have a hangover Sunday morning.
I was so chuffed to find the house in the same state as my sister had left it, no mess in the garden & no sick to clean up.
Oh, & she is having a party at her house this weekend too so I'm sure I'll be on barbecue duty as always or entertaining the kids on the bouncy castle.

This Is Tilly!

2005-07-08T18:52:00.000+01:00

This is Tilly with her brother (my godson) Harry. Aren't they cute!

al Qaeda will never win

2005-07-07T18:57:00.000+01:00

If this is what we get for being awarded the right to host the Olympics in 2012 then no thanks!
Which ever capital city won the vote this would've happened in that city.
They are everywhere, waiting for that happiness in people's lives to change it to sadness.
Those that act in the name of Islam, you're nothing but cowards & bastards!!!!

I'm An Aunty

2005-07-05T17:32:00.000+01:00

My sister has finally given birth to a healthy girl. 'Tilly Hardy' arrived at 0332 yesterday morning weighing in at a whopping 8lbs 14oz, ouch that's enough to make me cringe! I shall post a picture when she emails me some. I may post a little more later but I'm off to see her now.

Anyone Out There Fancy A Gmail Invite

2005-07-04T19:45:00.000+01:00

At the moment you can only get Gmail by invitation & I have 48 invites left. If you are tempted, you too can open your very own shiny Gmail account (ok, I lied, they're not shiny!).
And now for the boring bit, Gmail uses Google technology to automatically organize & find messages. And because Gmail includes more than 2000 megabytes of storage, a typical user won't ever have to worry about deleting mail. Everything just gets archived so it can be found again if needed. When Gmail displays an email, it automatically shows all the replies to that email as well, so users can view a message in the context of a conversation.
So if anyone is interested in an invitation then just email me hall.sally@gmail.com

2005-07-03T17:50:00.000+01:00

A man enters a confessional & says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out & say three Hail Mary's." Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?" A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. Very well," says the priest."Go & say ten Hail Mary's."
The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle & sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green & very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest & altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style. The priest turns to the altar boy & whisperingly asks, "Is that Fannie Green?!" The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think its just the reflection off her shoes."

Things I Don't Understand

2005-07-02T19:01:00.000+01:00

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.......I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv & change the channel manually.
3. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!
4. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid £6 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
5. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"....Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
6. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
7. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
8. When people say they will keep in touch & you don't hear from them for months!
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

The Male Brain

2005-07-01T19:53:00.000+01:00

Taiwan Bowled Over

2005-06-30T19:09:00.000+01:00

TAIPEI (Reuters) - It may take a strong stomach to eat curry or chocolate ice cream out of a toilet bowl, but a commode-themed restaurant in Taiwan does booming business serving up just that.
The Martun, or toilet in Chinese, restaurant in the southern port city of Kaohsiung boasts lengthy queues on weekends as diners wait for a toilet seat in its brightly coloured tile interior.
Food arrives in bowls shaped like Western-style toilets or Asian-style "squat pots".
Manager Hung Lin-wen said the original inspiration came from a toilet-shaped spaceship in a Japanese cartoon. The theme has attracted droves of novelty-seeking young people who come to play with their food and gross out their friends.
"We think the theme is special, and the food is tasty," Hung said.
But no matter how delicious, a few customers still find the combination a little hard to swallow.
"The taste is good, but I still feel disgusted when I look at it," said diner Lin Yu-may.

Goodbye Nam!

2005-06-30T18:37:00.000+01:00

Music Gets Me Through The Day

2005-06-29T19:43:00.000+01:00

I frickin' hate work at the moment, it seems the only things that are keeping me going are my mp3 player crammed with top tunes & listening to 'Colin & Edith' on Radio 1 (1pm-3pm). So anyway I'd thought I would share my top 20 tunes at the moment either chart toppers or new releases, I think I could have this as a new feature every week. So be warned I have a wide variety of music tastes.

'Mr Brightside' ~ The Killers
'I Predict A Riot' ~ Kaiser Chiefs
'What It Takes' ~ Aerosmith
'Hard To Beat' ~ Hard-Fi
'My Doorbell' ~ White Stripes
'Owner Of A Lonely Heart' ~ Max Graham vs Yes
'Hate It Or Love It' ~ Game ft 50 Cent
'Forever Lost' ~ The Magic Numbers
'Fix You' ~ Coldplay
'Through The Wire' ~ Kanye West
'She Makes My Day' ~ Robert Palmer
'Spitting Games' ~ Snow Patrol
'Bend & Break' ~ Keane
'Decent Days & Nights' ~ The Futureheads
'Jump' ~ Van Halen
'Signs' ~ Snoop Dog ft Justin Timberlake
'Ordinary People' ~ John Legend
'Strict Machine' ~ Goldfrapp
'American Idiot' ~ Green Day
'Hey Ya' ~ Razorlight (Jo Whiley live session on Radio 1)

Be Safe Not Sorry

2005-06-28T19:34:00.000+01:00

Are they mad? They've pinned the ribbon on the condoms!!!!!

More Rude Gingerbread People

2005-06-27T18:09:00.000+01:00

Now This Is How To Sell A Product

2005-06-26T16:17:00.000+01:00

2005-06-26T16:16:00.000+01:00

Just Need Someone To Talk To.

2005-06-25T21:25:00.000+01:00

I had such a great day today, probably the best I've had in a few months. I met up with a gay pal in London & spent the day talking about pretty much nothing. We've chatted for ages on the phone through work & today we finally got to meet up. He's been a kinda shoulder to cry on on the other end of the phone when none of my so called 'friends' have bothered to say hi & ask how I am, seems they only want to talk to me when they want something!
So picture the scene, quite overcast but warm sitting under trees in Regent's Park on a blanket, fresh strawberries & cream frappachino in hand without the noise & hassle of a packed coffee shop in town, relaxed already. We chatted about one thing & another & then the subject of me leaving my sister's business came up. I actually thought I was doing her a favour by leaving the Army base I worked at for 10 years & not to mention the 6 weeks holiday & £2000 bonus every year I was losing out on too! I actually think I'm there as a dogsbody, I work my f***ing arse off & don't complain. She was trying for a baby at the time & I think she was looking for someone she could trust with the business, now she's had the 1st baby (my godson Harry) & she's due to drop any day now with her 2nd. I've been offered a few jobs which I've rounded down to 2. To be quite honest I'm in a bit of a shitty mood, if only my mum & dad gave me that big kick up the backside when I left school & actually marched me down to the RAF careers office I don't think I'd be in this position.
So choice 1, a Paramedic or Ambulance Technician as they like to call it these days. You must be over 21 (well that's definitely me) & you must have at least one year's driving experience, hmmm not good as I haven't started my driving lessons yet! A good standard of education is desirable (that's another plus for me). A basic understanding of human anatomy would be desirable (hello, who doesn't know where all the important bits are!). You need to be able to remain calm whilst working effectively under pressure, be able to communicate well with people and have a caring and understanding nature. You must also be practical, have common sense and be able to use your own initiative. You must have patience, empathy and the ability to reassure those in your care (OMG this job has my name written all over it). Short listed candidates will be invited to attend a recruitment assessment day, which includes written tests, lifting assessment, driving assessment, and interview. Candidates successful to this stage will also be required to pass an Occupational Health medical examination to Group II driving standards. This seems so much to go through at the moment.
Let's move on to choice 2, a Football Coach, well say no more, this is no job, it's absolutely brilliant & you get paid for it! I've got so much football blood in my veins after playing it for a good part of 13 years (take 2 seasons out because of the birth of my daughters). I need to take a First Aid course & get police checked but this is the best bit, I can take my courses whilst I'm still working & then when I'm all qualified up then I can leave. There are loads of girl teams that are crying out for female coaches so sooner the better I'm thinking. Oh & there's the soccer camps in America that always need coaches, cheap holiday for me & my girls & I get paid for doing it, terrific!
So it's been so nice to actually get some of this off my chest today, thankyou Stefan! x

How Cool Is This Water Fountain!

2005-06-25T19:54:00.000+01:00

I Suppose It's One Way To Warm Up!

2005-06-24T19:06:00.000+01:00

A Dog Or Towel?

2005-06-23T18:05:00.000+01:00

I'm Sure They're Right

2005-06-22T18:27:00.000+01:00

I love being on my knees!

A Little Extreme Don't You Think?

2005-06-21T18:11:00.000+01:00

Drink & Drugs Don't Mix

2005-06-20T17:43:00.000+01:00

What The ****!

2005-06-19T17:37:00.000+01:00

I thought I would share this picture. I know homeless people are hungry but I really couldn't believe my eyes!

A Fat What?

2005-06-18T20:31:00.000+01:00

I Don't Need Any Training!

2005-06-17T19:14:00.000+01:00

My New Party Trick

2005-06-16T19:32:00.000+01:00

Stress Free Office

2005-06-15T18:45:00.000+01:00

I wish my desk at work was like this!

I Wonder What He's Thinking

2005-06-14T21:35:00.000+01:00

No Wonder They're Smiling

2005-06-12T19:41:00.000+01:00

Do You Think It's Because He's Tall?

2005-06-11T17:18:00.000+01:00

How Office Rumours Start

2005-06-10T18:31:00.000+01:00

At Last, Air Bags For Bikes

2005-06-09T19:22:00.000+01:00

I Wonder What This Tastes Like

2005-06-08T18:47:00.000+01:00

2005-06-07T18:13:00.000+01:00

I know in Football you have to head the ball but this is taking it a bit too far!

At Least He's Honest

2005-06-06T18:27:00.000+01:00

To All The Men Out There

2005-06-05T17:25:00.000+01:00

Bathroom Fun

2005-06-04T19:14:00.000+01:00

There's nothing better than a lie in on a Sunday. You've waited all week for it & after a Saturday night on the town it's great to wake up the next morning without the urgency of having to get out of bed. I always find this abundance of spare time is ideal for sex. I know the spontaneous elements of a mid week quickie can excite but it can't compare to lazing about & then getting down to some sensual & very relaxed sex.
One particular Sunday morning he was having a shower. I wandered in to the bathroom to chat to him. He was covering his face in a thick layer of white shaving foam when I walked in & stood by the sink watching him as he began to shave. There's something sexy about watching a man shave. I can't quite put my finger on it but watching him pull his skin taut & dragging the razor through the foam, clearing a line to show his clean shaven skin beneath, was incredibly horny. I playfully reached up & ran my hands through the foam on his face & dragged my fingertips down his chest leaving lines of foam behind.
"That really turns me on," he uttered & grabbed me round the waist. "You're feeling a little horny are you?" He ran his hands through my hair then slowly down my back to my waist, edging his fingers closer to my pussy. Before I knew it, icy jets of water were spraying all over me! He had got the shower nozzle & was soaking me so I splashed back at him. I was wet & laughing when he grabbed me round the waist & bent me over the sink.
I felt a warm jet of water trickling over my buttocks, he'd turned the heat up & this was no longer horseplay but foreplay. The warm water playing over my butt & down through the crevices of my pussy felt glorious & he gently eased my white lace panties to one side & delicately played his fingers over my clit.
He undid the towel from his waist & threw it to one side revealing his perfect shaft standing proud & erect. Still spraying my buttocks with water he entered me with ease from behind, me still bent over the sink, thrusting inside me slowly & rhythmically withdrawing his cock right to the tip before plunging it deep inside me again. I clung on to the edge of the sink to balance myself & pushed myself back up against him. He withdrew his throbbing shaft & got to his knees. I love him giving me oral sex, he takes his time & teases me with his tongue until i'm begging to cum.
The more I begged the more he teased until I climaxed. He undressed me slowly, slipping my robe off my shoulders & removed my white lace bra & sucked on my nipples cupping both of my breasts in his hands & then slowly worked back down to my awaiting pussy. I watched his head bob up & down between my legs as he lapped at my pussy. I wanted to suck him & feel his hot shaft in my mouth. I manoeuvred myself so I could take him in my mouth. I took him eagerly into my mouth & gently pushed his foreskin down with my lips, revealing his pulsing swollen head & swirling my tongue around the sensitive tip before again plunging him deep into my mouth.
I loved sucking him & giving him pleasure with my mouth. He began to play with my clit with his fingers as his tongue dipped in & out of me. I felt my muscles clenching & my pussy nerves tingling with so much sensation. I began to buck & push my hips tightly to him, grinding my pussy up against his searching mouth, my hips tightening around his head as my body arched in an orgasmic spasm.
"Fuck me," I moaned "I want you to fuck me!" He turned me over & I rested on my hands & knees on the tiled bathroom floor. With him on his knees behind me he grasped hold of his throbbing cock & entered me in one gorgeous thrust, pinning me to his body with his hard shaft. He pumped & thrusted inside me, taking me like a wild animal, me helpless on all fours with him behind me digging his fingers into my flesh. He gently parted my arse cheeks with one hand & inserted a finger delicately probing around inside me.
All my nerve endings were on fire with this double penetration & I couldn't hold back. I screamed & begged for him to cum, unashamed at pushing myself deeper onto his shaft begging for his fingers to go deeper inside my arse & I felt the tingling rush of orgasm envelope me entirely. I could hear myself panting as all my muscles contracted & tingled as he cum deep inside me. We collapsed exhausted on the bathroom floor.

Help Wanted!

2005-06-03T18:22:00.000+01:00

Why Are They Asleep?

2005-06-02T18:59:00.000+01:00

I hope they show films like that when I end up in an old people's home.

Maybe He Should Use The Force!

2005-06-01T19:15:00.000+01:00

Use The Force!!!

2005-05-31T19:08:00.000+01:00

Wow, A lightsabre vibrator, I'm gonna get me one of these!!!!

Warning, Swingball Is Bad For You!

2005-05-31T17:14:00.000+01:00

Yes, 'Swingball', the family game for all ages is bad for you. A weekend barbecue turned into a scene from casualty all because of 'Swingball'. So jealous of watching the nieces & nephews happily playing then it started, adults shoved the kids off & the battle begun. First up, me against my sister. I forgot to tell her I was banned from tennis at school because I hit the ball too hard, something she was going to find out soon enough. So the first strike whirled round & hit her full on the side of her face, she cried off.....oops! So one after another they dropped like flies, & i'm the champion until the next time, a few weeks I think. I now have aggravated my bad back & have a sore shoulder & bruised hand. Be careful, you have been warned!

At Least They're Honest

2005-05-30T20:02:00.000+01:00

Just Do What It Says!

2005-05-29T19:26:00.000+01:00

Right Time, Wrong Place!

2005-05-28T18:10:00.000+01:00

Another Sign

2005-05-27T19:16:00.000+01:00

So what are the 'other means of payment'?

New Taps To Go With My New Sink

2005-05-27T18:24:00.000+01:00

Terrific Trivia!

2005-05-26T19:21:00.000+01:00

There are two types of information. The useless & important kind - and the useless & irrelevant. Use some of the following to entertain or simply bore your friends.

One ounce of cress contains enough cyanide to kill two mice.
Cornflakes were originally fed to lunatics to curb their sex drive - starchy cereals were thought to lower libido.
Cinderella never wore glass slippers; they were fur. The confusion came when the French word vaire (fur) was mistaken in translation for verre (glass).
Alaska is the only U.S. state which can be typed on a single row of letters on a typewriter keyboard.
The banana is not a true fruit; it is a berry.
In the 17th century, children in British hospitals were given two gallons of beer a week.
Rats can survive longer without water than camels.
Belgium's Euro coins are more likely to land heads up when spun on a table.
The total weight of insects eaten every year by spiders is more than the total weight of humans in the world.
If you are stuck with two letters A's in scrabble, it is useful to know that Aa is a type of volcanic lava.
Since 1983, leprosy has no longer been grounds for divorce in Greece.
You'd need 140,000 ladybirds to fill a gallon pot.
The point on your back that you cannot reach to scratch is called your acnestis.
Every hour, 38.5 tons of baked beans are eaten in the UK.
There is enough energy in the daily flatulent output of a single sheep to power a small truck for 25 miles.
London houses did not acquire street numbers until 1763 - three centuries after Paris came up with the idea.
The Archbishop of Cyprus is the only person on the island allowed to write in purple ink.
During the reign of King Canute, adulterers lost their nose & ears. In ancient Greece, the penalty was a radish inserted into your bottom.
Up to 58% of the London Underground is not underground.
The Nigerian Navy has 20 ships whose names mean hippopotamus in various dialects.

Something For The Liverpool Fans

2005-05-26T18:11:00.000+01:00

It's Official, British Men Last The Longest

2005-05-24T19:44:00.000+01:00

British men should be standing proud - they've got more stamina in the sack than their rivals.
A scientific survey has shown that the British male lasts 7 minutes 36 seconds during sex, longer than lovers in America & most of Europe. Men from America manage an average of 7 minutes, Spain 5.8, Holland 5.1 & Turkey 3.7.
But before all you British men start bragging too much, the survey only included the 5 countries. Participants timed their lovemaking sessions & submitted the results to British & Dutch scientists who studied 500 couples aged over 18. The study's aim was to define premature ejaculation, believed to affect between 0.5% and 2.5% of men.
The average love-making session of those surveyed clocks in at 5.4 minutes, putting British men well ahead of the pack.
The best performance was a man who managed 44 minutes, while another admitted lasting 30 seconds. Circumcised men go for 40 seconds longer than those who haven't had the operation.
I'm just really intrigued how they actually timed themselves or did they have someone with a stop watch keeping an eye on them.